The ramen dilemma

Having eaten ramen since I was a child, my version of macaroni and cheese in Japan, you'd think I'd know how to eat it by now.  Not so.  The problem?  Broth, the cheese equivalent, part of what makes or breaks the meal, this I manage to spatter all over my shirt.  I've long since given up wearing white when I eat ramen.  I leave the restaurant with little brown stains all over myself.  I honestly don't know what I'm doing wrong.

Or, perhaps I do.  A simple answer would be the fact I don't slurp the noodles.  Any type of noodle in Japan--ramen, pasta, soba, udon--these are eaten with a loud slurp.  I just can't bring myself to do this.  I get away with it because I'm foreign.  People who don't know me assume I don't know the rules.  People who do know me often ask, "You don't slurp?  It's considered bad manners in America, right?"  I nod and sneak a glance down at my shirt.  Have I stained it yet?

I decide to ask for advice.  I'm with two men, one the owner of a restaurant, another a friend.  I bring up my dilemma.

"What am I doing wrong?  I notice all these businessmen in crisp white shirts eating ramen over the lunch hour and I never see stains on their shirts.  I know I don't slurp, but doesn't slurping actually make the noodles wiggle more?  Why don't you guys have stains on your shirts?"

They contemplate this for awhile and decide women decidedly have a more difficult time with noddle-based meals because surely breasts must get in the way.

"Hang on," I protest.  "That can't be right."
"You're right," the restaurant owner says.  "If this were true, we'd have stains all over our stomachs."  We all laugh as he pats his larger-than-average Japanese gut.
"I don't know," my friend says.  "Clearly you're doing something wrong.  Maybe you need to slurp."

Now we contemplate Japanese slurping methods.  I argue the noodles must flip back and forth as they get sucked in.  "Doesn't that make the noodles jiggle, and doesn't that make them spatter the broth?"
"No," my friend argues.  "You slurp straight up."  Ah.  Straight up.  I mentally picture this and wonder to myself how much my mouth can hold at one time.  I decide to put it out there.

"I think my mouth is smaller.  I don't think I can put that much into my mouth at one time."
"Oh, come on," the owner isn't buying this.
"Try it sometime," my friend pushes.

I will, but until then I vow to wear black until I master the art of stain-free slurping.

What chivalry?

Not all women like, want, or appreciate the sentiment of "ladies first."  I can appreciate that.  Antiquated, sexist, implying women are the weaker sex, I've heard women say they don't need doors held open for them, to enter/exit the elevator first, or have chairs pulled out for them.  I can appreciate this, too.

To these women, I'd suggest a trip to Japan.  Certainly, chivalry here is an anomaly.  Sorry guys.  It's the truth.  While many would argue the role of, and the rights that come with change have improved the lives of women in Japan, there's more truth that women here rank second to men.  

Arriving in Japan yesterday, I'm hit with this reality even before I get off the plane.  The flight attendants fuss over the man sitting next to me.  Fuss is absolutely the right word here.  I, on the other hand, am not fussed over.  Is he a celebrity?  Is he special?  Perhaps.  Or, perhaps he's male.
No one offers to take the bag down for me from the overhead compartment.  It's more rare in the US that I get no offers for help from men to drag down my carry on.  As we exit the plane, I'm assuming we'll file out zipper-like, letting people in the rows in front of us exit first.  Nope.  Men push past me, no space for me to cut in.  None of them stop and offer to zip the zipper.

Dropped off at my apartment, I maneuver (and not well) my two suitcases and two carry on bags up the stair case while two men stand nearby and continue talking.  I'm this close to saying, "Really?  No help whatsoever?  Am I making this look easy?"

The gods and stars, making sure I thoroughly understand this is not an isolated incident, point me to a news show last night where two men, an expert of some sort, and a well-known television host discuss why women with strollers should ride the train less.  Simply put, they're in the way.  Presumably, to make sure they're not perceived as being completely out of touch with reality, they pepper their statements with, "But of course they do need to be able to leave the house."  The conclusion the two men come to is this:  women with strollers shouldn't ride the train during rush hour.  They take up too much space.  The rest of the time, the Japanese should be more sensitive to the fact that these should be allowed to leave their homes to run errands.  To run errands.  Right.  Got it.

Try running this segment on television in another country.  I know I'd be on the phone to the news outlet saying, "Did your guys really just say this?  You're okay with this?"  How many groups can you name that would never let this go by without pointing out its absurdity?  Women should stay home during rush hour because baby strollers get in the way of commuters?  Really?  Japan has to ask people to have good manners?

And, food for thought here, people:  Tokyo wants to host the Olympics in 2020?  Good luck with that.  You don't have a chance, especially if women and foreigners start spreading the word tourists and athletes with bags and gear aren't welcome on trains during rush hour.