What chivalry?

Not all women like, want, or appreciate the sentiment of "ladies first."  I can appreciate that.  Antiquated, sexist, implying women are the weaker sex, I've heard women say they don't need doors held open for them, to enter/exit the elevator first, or have chairs pulled out for them.  I can appreciate this, too.

To these women, I'd suggest a trip to Japan.  Certainly, chivalry here is an anomaly.  Sorry guys.  It's the truth.  While many would argue the role of, and the rights that come with change have improved the lives of women in Japan, there's more truth that women here rank second to men.  

Arriving in Japan yesterday, I'm hit with this reality even before I get off the plane.  The flight attendants fuss over the man sitting next to me.  Fuss is absolutely the right word here.  I, on the other hand, am not fussed over.  Is he a celebrity?  Is he special?  Perhaps.  Or, perhaps he's male.
No one offers to take the bag down for me from the overhead compartment.  It's more rare in the US that I get no offers for help from men to drag down my carry on.  As we exit the plane, I'm assuming we'll file out zipper-like, letting people in the rows in front of us exit first.  Nope.  Men push past me, no space for me to cut in.  None of them stop and offer to zip the zipper.

Dropped off at my apartment, I maneuver (and not well) my two suitcases and two carry on bags up the stair case while two men stand nearby and continue talking.  I'm this close to saying, "Really?  No help whatsoever?  Am I making this look easy?"

The gods and stars, making sure I thoroughly understand this is not an isolated incident, point me to a news show last night where two men, an expert of some sort, and a well-known television host discuss why women with strollers should ride the train less.  Simply put, they're in the way.  Presumably, to make sure they're not perceived as being completely out of touch with reality, they pepper their statements with, "But of course they do need to be able to leave the house."  The conclusion the two men come to is this:  women with strollers shouldn't ride the train during rush hour.  They take up too much space.  The rest of the time, the Japanese should be more sensitive to the fact that these should be allowed to leave their homes to run errands.  To run errands.  Right.  Got it.

Try running this segment on television in another country.  I know I'd be on the phone to the news outlet saying, "Did your guys really just say this?  You're okay with this?"  How many groups can you name that would never let this go by without pointing out its absurdity?  Women should stay home during rush hour because baby strollers get in the way of commuters?  Really?  Japan has to ask people to have good manners?

And, food for thought here, people:  Tokyo wants to host the Olympics in 2020?  Good luck with that.  You don't have a chance, especially if women and foreigners start spreading the word tourists and athletes with bags and gear aren't welcome on trains during rush hour.

In defense of good manners

I will admit my bias upfront.  Raised on books like "Good Manners Make People Nice To Know" and "What Do You Say Dear?" the importance, nay, insistence upon proper behavior and good manners was drilled into me from an early age.  This means, unfortunately for me these days, I am finding myself more and more annoyed by the lack of said manners by those around me.  Increasingly, I see behavior I can only shake my head to.

It's universal.  Bad manners are not reserved for wealthy, fat, North Americans.  To my shock, I am coming across Japanese who simply put, should be smacked once or twice, sent to their room with a copy of "What Do You Say Dear?" which they are expected to memorize before they can come join society again.

Case in point.  I mentioned several months ago how Japanese taxi drivers personified the best in people here.  I said they were polite, their cars impeccably clean, and knew how to toe the line between when to be chatty and when to to stay quiet.  Allow me to back pedal.  On my first day here several weeks ago, I lugged my four giant, heavy, suitcases into and out of a taxi, by myself as the driver stood next to the open trunk and watched.  I didn't fare well.  Up until this point, I had assistance with my bags.  I barely had to lift any of them.  This driver offered no assistance.  Nothing.  Nada.  So shocked by this, I even forgot to ask for help.  In the US, drivers would help put anything into the trunk regardless of whether the passenger was male or female.  Do they do this because of tips?  Perhaps.  It's also expected.  I will gladly tip to not throw my back out.

Then there's the men-first-always mentality.  Standing in front of an elevator, five men come up behind me.  They chat away as we all wait for the car to reach our floor.  I'm the first in line, if there was actually a "line" per se.  The doors open and from behind me the five men rush the door.  I kid you not.  No "ladies first" here.  It's as if they were afraid the elevator had a mind of its own and if they didn't get in right away they were going to some how be left behind.  They really rushed that door.  I actually stood outside of the elevator, let the men go past me, looked at them with what I hoped was a "did you just do what I think you did?" look and then got in.  I'm quite capable of being passive-aggressive.  Yes.  Did they get my point?  Who knows.

This sense of "rushing" is also seen when getting onto trains.  The doors open, the passengers get out, and in the past the queue waited to get on until everyone was off.  Now there's barely a semblance of a queue and there's no real expectation that we are all to wait for the passengers' exit and then get on.

What's going on here?  Seriously.  What has happened to Japan?  All this talk (accurate, mind you) about how orderly people were both during and after the earthquake on March 11th is hard to believe at times.  Allow me to back pedal again.  Yesterday's typhoon hit Tokyo right at rush hour.  From around 5:00pm until midnight, millions of Tokyoites cram trains, subways, buses, and taxis for their commute home.  Last night, the trains stopped running.  Stations were crammed with people waiting.  There was no rioting.  No serious complaining.  I was one of several hundred who stood in line for several hours waiting for a taxi.  So, see.  People here are capable of being patient.  Of letting others go first.  Sometimes.  What used to be "always" is not just "sometimes."  Where has this change come from?

To prove that good manners are a thing of the past here in Japan, I offer these photos. 

They are all over train stations in Tokyo. 

That these posters

need to be put up in the first place, this is a shocker.  Then again, it's not.  I've seen such behavior over and over.  I'm saddened.  This bothers me.  I'm accustomed to Americans behaving badly.  From the man who asked why I don't mention him in my blog to the screaming matches at political rallies to those who feel the need to cut others off in traffic to the utterances of "Do you know who I am?", America is, unfortunately, filled with people who believe their time is more important than yours.  That those who share this sentiment now also are on the rise here in Japan, this is truly sad. 

There are some things not worth importing, people.