The Fight: On Women in Japan, Part 1

My first encounter with groping, a chikan, came at age 12.  The entire sixth grade went to an indoor skating rink to...play?  Practice?  I don't remember.  What I do remember about that day was the hand between my legs as we stood outside waiting for the bus to take us back to school.  Knowing in an instant what was going on, I was being felt up and groped, I spun around only to see a blue coat running away.  Shocked and livid, I followed the boy in the blue coat with my eyes until I lost him.  I must have had "the look" as a classmate next to me said, "What's wrong?" to which I replied,
"Find a boy in a blue coat."
"Why?"
"Just do it."  One boy, another classmate, laughed, "Were you felt up?" and I gave him a look I hoped would kill him on the spot.  Did he know?  How?  The anger I felt inside scared me.  What just happened?

I never did find that boy.  I don't remember what, if anything I said to my parents that night.  I do remember seething rage, shame, and an ultimate sense of violation.  Had I found the boy, I was truly prepared to get violent.  Not having physically fought at that age, I probably would have done the only thing I knew would cause boys immense pain, the thing I was specifically told not to do:  kick him in the balls.  Repeatedly.

Fast forward several decades and I'm in the car with Alpha Male, my favorite Japanese man in Japan.  The topic of chikans (gropers)  comes up for some reason, and he says, "You need to be careful."
"I'm always careful," I reply.
"No, I mean it.  You're a target.  Your type is 'in' right now."
"What's that supposed to mean?  My type?"
"Japan's going through a jukujo phase."  This is a new word for me.
"What's that?"
"Think about it.  The characters."  I do, but I can't place what the character for juku would be.  I ask him.
"Ripe," he replies.
"Ripe woman?"
"Uh huh."
"What the hell is a 'ripe woman'?"  He looks at me.
"Think," he says back.  "You're it.  Middle-aged.  Experienced.  Willing.  Desperate."
I'm shocked.  That's what Japanese men like now?  This is what Japanese men think middle-aged women want?  They think I project this?
"You're middle-aged," Alpha Male continues.  "You're presumably," pausing, "experienced."  I'm about to object to the "willing" and "desperate" part but before I can say anything he adds, "And, you've got, well, boobs--padding top and bottom.  You're what men are in to now."  I don't now whether this is a compliment or an insult.  I'm stunned.  I look down at my chest.  For what?  To see if my breasts are still there?  I don't know what to say.  Picking up on my confusion and shock, Alpha Males says, "Look.  Just be careful, okay?"

Browse any Japanese porn site and sure enough, there's now a jukujo category.  The requisite links to lolitas, maids, foreigners, and wives (the last fetish) are still present.  Clubs listing services, prices, faces of the women with their ages compete for men from sexless marriages.  Or, perhaps just those who want a little fun on the side.  Who knows.  The point is, there's now a category for men looking for ripe, middle-aged women.  We don't have to be pretty.  Or thin.  In fact, many I see on these sites are neither.  Willing and desperate.  Those two words haunt me.

What is it about Japan where women are bought for sex (but "legally"), felt up on trains to the point there are now cars for women only, and if strong are considered loud and "not-for-marriage-material"?

I noticed the signs in train stations two years ago when I came back to Japan for a longer stay.  These posters weren't there before.  Now prominent, they're everywhere--loud, angry.  "Groping is a crime."  "Report a chikan."  "Ask for help."  It's not just the women being groped who are supposed to call out for help.  Those who see what's going on are supposed to speak out as well.

This poster, specifically the writing in orange print has confused me.  The literal translations is something like, "'I did it on a whim' is not an excuse."  What?  I like to think I know a thing or two about Japanese ways of thinking.  That this warning is supposed to curb that desire to grope, that it would prevent assaulting a woman is, even by Japanese standards lame.  I ask Alpha Male about it.  "How's this supposed to deter?"
"The idea is to keep men who wouldn't normally grope from going through with it.  On a whim, as the poster says."
"That's stupid," I say angrily.  "That makes no sense."
"It also means, the reasoning 'I did it cause I felt like it' doesn't fly."
"And this poster would make men think twice?"
"Yeah."
"Really?  You really believe that?"
Alpha Male pauses.  "The point is, these posters are now visible.  They're posted in trains and throughout train stations.  Before they weren't.  Everyone knew about chikans but no one reported them.  Women wouldn't say 'Stop!' so men went on groping, whereas now men are aware women can say that.  And do.  It's supposed to make men think twice before they do something stupid."

This man is important to me.  He's my go-to man in Japan.  But, that the man I think so highly of comes out with this explanation pains me.  He can't believe this, can he?  Is Alpha Male just another Japanese man?  My silence and anger bothered him evidently, as he asks, "You okay?"  No, I'm not okay.  You don't get it either.  You never have to worry about this.  That you're huge is deterrent enough, but more than that you're male.  You're Japanese.  I can't possibly expect you to understand.  But, you of all people--I was counting on you to get this.

None of this comes out, but I think it.
"Hey," he says, touching my arm.  "You okay?"
"Yeah," I reply and don't meet his eyes.  "I'm fine."

I'm not, of course.  I think back to a television talk show I watched, a sort of "Facts About Japan" show where a group of foreigners on one side point out things uniquely Japanese, as another group of Japanese celebrities and the like offered back commentary.  The group of foreigners, thirty or so, are comprised of people from different countries.  On this day, a Russian woman did a report on why there was so much Japanese smut in newspapers and posters visible to all.
"It's called the 'pink pages' or something," she complained.  "Why is there Japanese pornography being advertised on trains?  Why do newspapers have a section reporting on where to go for sex?"
I remember this because a young woman representing South Korea spoke up following the Russian.
"Why don't women actually speak up when they're being groped on trains?  Why do they suffer silently?"
Bravo, dear woman.  My point exactly.

"You don't get it," I replied to Alpha Male after he checked to see whether or not I got what he was saying.
"You don't ever have to worry about groping or having unwanted advances hurled at you or being a target of harassment or assault.  No one's ever going to feel you up."  I'm angry.  Of all people, I want him to understand.  He doesn't speak for what seems a very long time.  When he does I know he's choosing his words carefully.
"I can see how you'd think that," he offers.  "But, Japan is changing.  Japan is trying to change."
"By creating a new target of women to grope?  Middle-aged women who, what?"  I wave my hand around in the air.  "Project it's okay to be felt up because we're desperate?"
"This is Japan," I hear him say and it almost sounds like he's pleading.  "It's not right.  I know it's not like this overseas," and I interrupt.
"You got that right."
He inhales.
"Look," but I cut him off.
"No.  It's not right.  What the hell?!  I'm now a part of a targeted group of women for groping?  Because of my age?  Because I've got 'padding' as you say?  What am I supposed to do?  Not ride trains?"
"Do you want me to tell you these things or not?"  He snaps at me.  Oh wow.  Are we fighting?

I recall this conversation to my husband.
"You've got to be careful with this 'you-can't-possibly-understand-because-your-male' attitude," he says.
"It's true, though.  You can't understand."
"But, saying it that way is off-putting.  It's not much of a leap for us to then say, 'Fine, then.  If I can't understand I won't try.'  That's not what you want."
"No, that's not what I want.  I want you to fight along with us.  I want you to be as upset as we are.  I know you can't empathize, but I want your anger."
"Some people will understand what you're saying.  Others won't.  You have to decide if Alpha Male is one of those guys who will understand."

I want Alpha Male in my corner.  I do want Alpha Male to tell me these tidbits about what's "in" even if I'm angered by the content.  Alpha Male epitomizes objectivity, safety and neutrality.  He's calm.  He doesn't rattle--except during this back-and-forth about me being the latest target for gropers.  I'm caught between my anger and not wanting to sound hysterical.  I feel hysterical.  And angry.  Not wanting to actually fight him futher, I decide to tell him a story.

"I was told once about this American woman who came to Japan on business.  She got felt up and fought back.  She grabbed the wrist between her legs, dragged the guy off the train at the next stop and proceeded to beat the shit out of him right there on the platform.  People came running over, and she was the one arrested--charged with assault.  He claimed he didn't grope her.  She said he did.  He got off but she got arrested, all because people saw her beating him and no one but her knew it was his groping wrist she grabbed."
Neither of us say anything for awhile.  "This is what I'm up against," I say finally.  "It's a he-said-she-said.  I can't actually prove it's him if he denies it."  When Alpha Male speaks, his words make my heart race.  I'm about to cry.

Softly, he says, "Has this happened to you, too?"

...to be continued.