Homosexuality in Japan, for all practical purposes is a non-issue. As in, I know no one in Japan who has come out. Let me restate this: of all the Japanese I know here, there's no one who is openly gay or lesbian. Does this mean I run in a limited circle of people? Do I have, say, ten friends? Twenty? No. I know a large number of people. I hobnob with many different groups ranging in age, income, interests, political beliefs, etc. That no one I consider a friend, co-worker or acquaintance has "come out" says something. Being openly gay in Japan is still a no-no.
Certainly, there's a trend in the Japanese celebrity community that include a significantly large number of transvestites. Others are transsexuals. They're wildly popular, this group. Some are gay, openly stating their preference for men. This is okay. This is the world of television and hype. For normal men or women, however, to prefer the same sex is not okay. That's real life. In real life, you marry, have babies, and live like normal people. Gay in Japan? No. Not here.
If I post a banner on my Facebook page, the red and orange flag I see so often, I will get asked the question, "What's that?"or "What's that for?" And, to that, I say what?
"I support the rights of those who are gay to marry."
It's a simple enough answer. Except, here in Japan it's not. Just last week after two years here I was asked for the first time about the fact I did not take my husband's surname. To the question "That's okay in America?" I answered, "Yes." I knew my answer didn't register. Why didn't I take his name? Why wouldn't I take his name? There's no simple answer that would make sense here in Japan. I don't like fumbling my way through questions like this. My answer to why I support those who want to marry their partners, regardless of what sex they are puts me clearly in a position where I oppose many of my friends and relatives. I can live with this. Trying to explain this concept to those here in Japan is an entirely different matter.
Surely there are those around me who are gay and lesbian here all throughout Japan. What must it be like to have to remain silent? Are they married? Do they have children? Are they happy? Would they come out if they could?
I've put a lot of thought into what I would say if I were asked why I support gay marriage. Here's my answer. As I see it, there are two reasons why there's so much opposition to the idea of gay marriage. First, the Bible (evidently) says homosexuality is an abomination. Among the things we're "not" to do, we're not to "be with" someone of our own sex. Or, so (evidently) the Bible says. My problem with those who take this passage and say, "See, it's wrong" is that I don't see these same people saying, "See, lying, infidelity, premarital sex, not loving your neighbor, taking the Lord's name in vein" and every other "sin" is "equally wrong." I wasn't taught that one sin is worse than another. A sin is a sin is a sin. And, while I'm at it, let me throw it out there. Slavery was okay in the Bible. If we read the Old Testament literally we should all be keeping Kosher. Women are to stay silent in the church, right? Working on the sabbath? Aren't we supposed to get stoned for that? Then there's my favorite: men aren't to covet their neighbor's wife (wives?), slaves, sheep (or animals/possessions). Right? It doesn't say women can't covet. Be careful what you say about taking the Bible literally. I get to do it if you get to do it.
Then there's the second reason. (I'm going to get graphic for a moment. Skip down to the next paragraph if you don't want sexually explicit details.) I honestly think if it weren't for the fact those of us who are straight can't get over the sexual images we assume take place during acts of love making/sex among those of the same sex--men giving each other blow jobs, anal sex between men, and women going down on each other--if we could some how disconnect these images from the discussion, then, and here I can see plenty of friends I know saying, "we'd all be fine."
But, we can't. I know plenty of men who can't get over the mental imagery of men taking part in sexual acts with men. This is what's not okay. This combined with religious dogma and you've got a very powerful argument against anything having to do with homosexuality here in Japan as well as the US and other countries.
The roots of homosexuality in Japan are not steeped in religion. There's no common knowledge Christian dogma here on how the Bible calls homosexuality an abomination. Trying to explain why this topic is so charged in the US is difficult when there's no religious basis from which to build the argument. In fact, I'd be very concerned over how the Christian God would be perceived in trying to explain all this to the Japanese around me.
There's a Japanese word I love. The word is kechi and it means small, petty, cheap, persnickety, trite and all of the above. In short, it's not a personality trait to strive for. For me, it comes down to this. My God is not kechi. My God doesn't hold a score card, keeping tabs of each good deed ("star for you here") and each bad deed ("X for you here"). There's no tallying when I die. I imagine my post-death conversation with God to be something like this.
"Did you try?"
"Yes."
"Did you fail?"
"Yes."
"Did you try more than fail?"
"I think so. Yes."
And here, I'm hugged.
"Good girl."
I can't explain to those I live alongside here in Japan any of this without making Americans sound like a collective group of whiny, uptight, self-righteous, "I'm right and you're wrong" religious fanatics, a group of people who can't get over mental images of what they perceive "gay sex" to be. Not the way the argument is going now. I don't want to do that. I don't want to portray a god, your god, any god as being kechi. For those in Japan for whom coming out is a non-issue (as in, it can't happen), what a foreign book of rules has to say is so incredibly irrelevant it's insulting to those who are trying to live with their secret.
My friend Dawn wrote something on her Facebook page that said something to the extent, "Seeing all these banners make me feel supported." So, this is for you, Dawn. I support you. I will stumble my way through trying to make myself sound coherent all while not trying to destroy the perception I project about those American Christians who are opposed to gay rights and gay marriage.
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