It's been a rough 36 hours. I woke up yesterday, stumbled towards my laptop, and started going through my e-mails. Still bleary-eyed, I first saw my mother's. "We're very upset about what happened in Boston."
What? What happened in Boston?
I go to Boston.com and sit in shock.
Quickly returning to my inbox, I see a note from my husband. "I'm fine." I read it again in case my unfocused morning eyes are playing tricks on me. He's safe. I exhale.
The next e-mail is from Alpha Male, my favorite Japanese man in Japan. "You probably already know this, but....." This is his way of showing concern. I'm touched.
I type e-mails to my friends as fast as I can. I call. I'm on the other side of the world and feel completely helpless. The two emotions that I felt yesterday morning, shock and impotence, were only the beginning.
Then came profound disappointment and rage.
When by noon no one up north where I've spent the past two years said peep about Boston, my husband, my friends, and those who have offered assistance to these disaster-stricken communities, well, I simply lost it. I really lost it.
Growing up my mother told me I would show the worst side of myself to those I loved most. This was probably code for "don't mouth back" and "stop being sassy" but it was excellent advice. She's right. Yesterday, to my adopted family here in Tohoku I grew horns.
The message was simple. "That you all haven't asked about Boston is not okay." I ended with, "This is low. You all suck." I was angry, hurt, and did not feel like being kind. I chose to let all my pain out in these words.
In the past 24 hours I've been told the following: "we were busy" and "we didn't know" and "we don't watch/read/listen to the news." None of these are acceptable answers. Here's why.
To the first one I yelled at (I really yelled) I said, "Because you are disaster victims, because you've received so much aid, because you of all people collectively know what it's like to go through something horrible, you need to reciprocate. You don't get to not know. You can't get away with 'not watching the news.' You owe it to the people who have supported you all these years to care. In order to care, you need to know. In order to know, you have to pay attention to what's going on around you. You're a part of the global community now whether you like it or not. You can't get away with not caring about those who have supported you. And, don't give me this 'I'm busy' crap."
I've said the same thing to others. Some get it, others don't. I have no answer to whether it's "don't" or "can't." What's been explained to me when tempers have calmed and our voices can no longer be heard in the apartment below is this: "You would have told us if we needed to know," and "We're used to giant disasters. Sorry, but it didn't look that bad."
Is it my job to teach disaster etiquette? I wasn't prepared for this. I'm completely conflicted.
We show our truest selves to those we love the most--the good and the ugly. I love these people here, and they've hurt me deeply. I can't force upon them disaster etiquette and a more global mentality when they don't have, want, or see the need for it. This is a hard lesson to learn and one I accept only because my attempts don't seem to show results.
So, the past 36 hours have left me spent. I'm heading to Boston next week, and honestly, this can't come soon enough.
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