Large organizations, UNHCR and Harvard Medical School and the like are said to offer up "two" as the magic number. Two years post a natural disaster and things change. Aid dries up, and those left behind must find their own way. I've pondered this of late as I found myself muddling through a sea of obnoxious requests, outrageous comments made about aid received, and an overall ugly sense of entitlement creeping into the Tohoku disaster region as a whole. Two-plus years since a series of tsunamis wiped out Japan's northeastern coastline, there's absolute truth work still needs to be done. Equally, a victim-mentality and a "gimme gimme" environment is now just as prevalent as is the community of those who are striving to move on.
If the statement "what doesn't break you makes you stronger" is true, many in Tohoku are now broken. How and where does one find the will to rebuild without an income? Those who are elderly (adult diaper sales surpassed baby diaper sales for the first time in Japan) should take out a loan to build a house where they will ... what? Move in and die? Words like these sound crass and cold. That doesn't make them untrue.
Wide-spread depression, questions on how to move forward, whether life is worth living are all present. This is not to say most feel this way. I say this to point out with the passage of time and little tangible improvement hope wanes.
Is it then natural for those so used to the twisted combination of grief and pain who have also asked for and received pretty much all they need to now use their loss to ask for more? The word to focus on is "natural" and the implication, "is this normal?" That I am being asked to raise funds for items no one would dare have wished for just a few months back ... what does this mean?
Some complaints I've heard about items received remind me of an ill-behaved child who would scold grandma for giving her a birthday cake with white icing instead of pink. Others impress me with their justification for why they need a new (insert pretty much anything here).
I can't quote the Rolling Stones and sing to them "you can't always get what you want." Nor can I bring up the example of how ridiculous it is for little girls to ask for ponies for Christmas, the ultimate in a "but I want one thus deserve it" argument. In the minds of many disaster victims, they truly "need" that item the rest of us don't have. Does their pain explain their behavior? Does being a victim mean they should get to ask for whatever they want and expect it? If you knew the kinds of requests I'm getting I think you would agree, the answer is "NO."
Giving in post-disaster Tohoku needs to change. For this to happen, donors must know what defines a "must have" versus "wouldn't it be nice if." This requires a level of honesty among those in Tohoku that is lacking. There's no other nicer way of saying this. For many outside of Tohoku there's a real desire to help, especially now that time has passed and the residents left behind feel forgotten. Offering up everything on their wish list is not the way to offer aid. They won't like me saying this, but again, that doesn't make it any less true.
The ugliest part about this is what I can't and won't share: the actual examples. I purposely block the nasty parts of the reality of Tohoku giving (and receiving) from reaching you because if you knew what some wanted and that word got out to the donors ("they asked for what?") aid would dry up right then and there. (At least from that donor and others they choose to tell.) This is why I post updates like this. You're getting the truth. Just not all of it.
My point is this: I ask for reflection from donors going forward. Are you giving because you want to check off your "I donated" box? Is this a real need? Whom does it help? This is not a band-aid? Where are you getting your information? How much of this aid is actually reaching the recipient? Do you trust the NPO/NGO/organization you're donating to? Are you sure they're not sucking up your donation as they "spread it out among the locals"?
The magical "two year mark" has come and gone. Going forward, I ask for and urge caution, care, honesty, and rechecking facts before checks are cut, items sent, offer extended. No, little girls in Tohoku do not deserve a "pony" for their birthday. Grandma gives you a birthday cake? The words you're looking for are "thank you" and not a complaint about the color of the icing. Yes, these are examples. I settle for these as the truth would make us all weep.
Think before you give. I'm gently working in Tohoku on the "think before you ask" part. Hopefully between the two parties putting more thought into what is truly needed there can be more of the kind of aid truly needed.
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