My intent is not to mock, criticize, or complain. I look at what goes on around me purely as a sociological phenomenon, combining anthropological and ethnographic elements into what I observe. Having said this, the expectation I too am expected to play, and honor these cultural norms is, at times, tedious. On a good day, I function just fine. On a bad day, let's just say, I bend the rules to suit me. Here's my story.
Social hierarchy is the only way to describe it. It's "pecking order" Japanese-style. In Tohoku, these rules are rigid. Obedience, and adherence to these rules are a must.
Everyone has their "place." Primarily it has to do with age. Respect is given to those who are older. Even a few years in age difference clarifies who's the sempai, and who is kohai.
The term sempai implies a lot. It's "boss" and "elder" and "superior" and "you-don't-get-to-mouth-back" and "instant respect" all rolled into one. Formally, it starts in middle school. Those who are younger do what their sempai ask and expect. This means the 7th grade girls in the basketball club carry the towels, water battles, and basketballs for the 8th, and 9th grade girls. The same goes for the baseball, soccer, judo, and brass band clubs. The kohai are "underlings." They are at the bottom of the totem pole. They do as they are told. They don't talk back. They don't have a voice.
These rules, who's on top, and who's lower down, continue into high school, university, into the corporate culture, and on into general society. Simply put, the rigidity of these rules essentially "run" Japan.
It's been "interesting" (channeling my father here) to see how I fit into this hierarchical structure. Most people in Japan do not know my age. This is a problem for them, as they don't know where to "put" me. As the sempai/kohai system is largely defined by age, not knowing if I'm older or younger means their speech, mannerisms, and what they can or cannot say to me remains unclear for those around me.
I don't easily cave. With almost every new social introduction, I am asked how old I am. Not really wanting to play this "game" I usually push back, saying "You should never ask a woman her age or weight." I laugh, making sure I'm not seen as being too obnoxious, too gaijin. It works. I get away with this because I am foreign. I get away with this because I am a foreign woman. This is one of the few times I play up my role, all so I can excuse myself from having to be pinned down.
Technically, I am not exempt. Those around me who are unsure of my age do not always know how to speak to me. Do they get to "pull rank"? Must they speak to me using the honorific form of speech? My insistence upon not revealing my age confuses them. This is not considered "nice." I am not playing by the proper rules.
In Tohoku, these rules are far more important, and indeed harsher. This makes the issue of my age all the more relevant. I'm not particularly fond of the way age is used to define roles, and my feelings about how this plays out in Tohoku is no exception. I won't go as far as to say the sempai/kohai rules are "abused" here. That's going too far. There is, however, a lot that is excused by way of "I'm the sempai" and watching this unfold around me at every gathering, every party, every meeting is, to be blunt, uncomfortable.
There will come a time where I will figure this out. In the interim, I will continue to remain "ageless" if for no other reason than to let those around me exclude me from their definitions.
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