Hug, Bow, Shake, Peck, or Kiss?

Public displays of affection (referred to as PDA, not to be confused with PDAs--the techno-gadgets that you're supposed to use to remember your schedule) ... see, I'm digressing already ...

Public displays of affection in Japan have become more and more visible.  I snuck a photo of a couple, early retirement age perhaps, who were walking down a sidewalk hand in hand.  I've snapped others on the sly.  Young couples cling.  Even people my age, I passed two yesterday, walk around with open and public displays of affection.  I don't remember seeing much of this growing up.  And, that's putting it mildly.

I've long taught Westerners to bow when doing business in Japan.  If you can bow and shake at the same time, that's even better.  "Don't do the double peck-on-the-cheek thing," I've had to tell many Europeans. 

Publicly showing affection, while more prevalent in Tokyo, in Tohoku is another story entirely.  Most up north know from movies and television foreigners are touchy.  "You gaijins hug a lot" I was once told by someone in Rikuzentakata.  I laughed and replied, "I guess we do."

This makes it all the more interesting that eighteen months after I first set foot in the disaster zone, my friends, friends of friends, and family members of friends are now starting to explore the idea of physical expression.  Not in a sexual way, mind you.  The jabs I get in my ribs (literally) from one man up north happen only when he's drunk--this is the only uncomfortable physical contact I've experienced in Tohoku.

Men and women now want to say hello and good-bye with a hug.  The first one is awkward.  We stand there both with a mental message "You go first" but neither of us move.  I don't want to be pushy by leaning into hug, and they want to but are shy (they don't hug anyone else in public) and yet still are hoping to connect.  Once we get past that first hug, awkward moments and all, greetings are now more physical.

To be sure, there are those whom I will not hug (it's not appropriate), and those who are uninterested in hugging.  I can just picture several of my male friends in Tohoku saying, "It's not manly."  It's not.  Where men are men, strong and stoic, there's no room for public hugging or pecks on the cheek.  That's okay.  For those who want to incorporate a more physical expression of affection, there's now a whole new method open to them.  On my trips to Tohoku I hug children, men, and women.  With big smiles and shy grins, they reach back.

Physical touch is a bigger deal in Tohoku if for no other reason, emotional healing is still a process many are going through.  Hugging creates warmth.  It bonds.  It leads to a faster, deeper connection.  The bonds of friendship become intense quicker and lasts longer, too.  Just yesterday, I hugged a woman and she gripped back, not letting go.  Touch is the fastest way to reach those wanting to feel whole, healthy, and loved.  I think back to the sensation of my grandmother's hand on mine, a peck on the cheek from a niece, my son jumping into my arms.  I smile.  Of course this is good.

Where rules are still rigid with predetermined expectations on who bows lower and raises their heads up first, hugging, holding hands, and kissing is still new.  Combine these, especially all at once (i.e. hug and peck, shake hands but then turn it into a "whassup" grip, bow and shake, etc.) and it's challenging to those here who want to experiment but don't know what to do with whom, or how, or when.

Except they're trying.  With more freedom to show love in public, old rules are changing with new ones being made up as life unfolds.  It's really fun to watch.  It's even more fun to be a part of.